All the Things About My Impostor Syndrome

ATT_Profile_3000x3000It’s been a long journey to get to this point, but I’ve taken some big leaps and bounds very recently in exploring a new way of capturing amazing nuggets of inspiration, wisdom and joy. And as terrifying as this is to put my literal voice, my bizarre accent, and my amateur recording and editing skills out there early — that’s the point right? In Lean In, then Lean the Fuck Out I preached about iterating and trying things to learn.

Well shit. I had to take my own advice.

This is sprint zero.

And it’s a messy, transparent, multi-faceted revelation about my own impostor syndrome woes, and how fears can hold us back from doing amazing things. All the things.

Equality is Impossible

The past few years of my life have been centered around striving for equality. Equal numbers of women in leadership in the Ad industry. (We’ve recently reached 10% of women in creative leadership… #winning?!) Equal household responsibilities so it was theoretically possible to successfully function as a working mum. Equal “me-time” with my now ex-husband for a quick yoga class and beers with the lads. Equal ratios of women in development roles. Equal handouts of promotions and raises. Equal pay. Equal. Equal. Equal.

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Lean In, then Lean the Fuck Out

Recently, I’ve been frustrated with the movement of Lean In. I feel like I’ve been Leaning In for years upon years, and now I’m just burnt out, and not sure that all this Leaning In is effective. Leaning In seems to be tough on women like myself, right as we’re trying to be kind to ourselves. And in my case, I’m a glutton for punishment and just like to do all the things. This winter, I’ve been leaning the heck out of everything and hiding in my basement playing Fallout4. For days.

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Musings on Relativity in Design and Relationships

Everything in our lives is grounded in comparison to our experiences that foreshadowed it. Everything. We’re the sum of our decisions, interactions, experiences and relationships and we behave accordingly – both in the spur of the moment, and as we slowly evolve. We evaluate and judge ourselves and others on these comparisons to what we’ve known, what we’ve experienced, where we’ve been. For both good and bad.

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Things I’ve Learned in 2015 (The good, the bad, the fugly)

On Hogmanay (Scottish for New Years Eve) I’m hosting a party that I entitled “Screw You 2015” which includes the seductive description of “there will be booze, there will be Cards Against Humanity, and there will likely be tears — and that’s okay!”. The majority of the invitees didn’t even respond. Dat’s cool. I promise.

2015 was not pretty. Yet it was miraculous. It was hard, and it was the light at the end of a tunnel. It was the worst year of my life, and yet somehow the best too — I learned the hard way. I met myself again. I grew. I conquered.

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